


Identity Theft

by Marlemarle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anyways, Crack, It's impossible for me to write serious/romantic stuff, M/M, Oh, Single Parents, accountant or something kageyama, adult everyone, adult hinata, adult kageyama, and already destroyed the fluff multible times, but this is not that thing, funny i hope, guess after what movie i wrote this, hinata is a fraud, hinata is no natural ginger here, i learned that after i wrote the 2000 words of fluff and still cannot come to finish, kinda unsporty hinata, sarcastic kageyama, single dad kageyama, some characters are original bc of police officers and stuff, works easier
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 17:32:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3618318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marlemarle/pseuds/Marlemarle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama looked into the sky and thought for a while. He wondered what it was like to be dead. With a shock he snapped back to reality and looked at the officer with determination. The officer stumbled back a bit, with a wary, slightly scared look in his eyes “And what if I get that kid and he confesses?”</p><p>or</p><p>Kageyama gets his Identity stolen and tries to find the thief.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Identity Theft

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for any mistakes, since it's not beta-read;  
> I'm not sure about how platonic or not platonic it will be, we'll see about that.

Another boring day at the office. Kageyama was tipping on his keyboard. The same numbers and letters appeared on his screen again and again and they started to swim in front of his eyes. The glasses perched on top of his nose, were slowly falling down. He glanced at clock. In about an hour he should leave, so he wasn’t late picking his son up from kindergarten. Loudly he sighed and rested his head on his hands. Couldn’t the hour be over now? He would much rather now be home now and watch cartoons with his child.

_Wow._

When did he become _that_ old?

The vibrations of his phone ripped him out of his thoughts. He locked at it a bit oddly, when he didn’t recognize the number on it “Hello?” he mumbled

“Hello!” a joyful voice shouted into the phone, so loud, he had to pull his phone away from his ear “I have good news and bad news”

“Who is this?”

“Oh, it’s your bank” the voice said “Should I tell you the news or?”

“Um, yes?” he didn’t know what he was supposed to be thinking of this

“Well, someone tried to steal your credit card information”

“Wha-“

“Your entire identity really” the voice sounded the tiniest bit too cheerful and irritated the shit out of Kageyama “But good news, we were able to stop it, before this person got any information out of you, the internet is a curse isn’t it?” the person on the other line started to laugh

“Wow, that’s still horrible news” Kageyama was too tired and too old for this shit

“Anyways, we have a free protection plan for you. It would stop such frauds on your credit cards. Are you interested?”

He opened his mouth and flayed a bit “If it’s free, yes of course”

“Okay, I just need your name, your address, your credit card number…”

Kageyama was really too tired to think, so he just told the person on the other line everything they asked for.

* * *

 

“Gotcha” The ginger eagerly wrote down the information he got “What an idiot” he sing sang packing the notes in his backpack, before leaving the little café he just stole a coffee from

“Wait, you cannot take the cup” he still faintly heard in the background “And you have to pay!”.

A credit card from a kinda rich guy and a new name, what could you want more currently. He took a sip from the coffee, while he was opening the door to his apartment, already thinking about all the stuff he is going to buy with this new card.

His roommate was laying on the couch, playing something, on his DS or whatever. He lowered the lid a bit and locked at Hinata “’Lo” he acknowledged him before looking back on his screen “You got a new card?” he asked, not really out of curiosity, more out of habit

“Not yet, still have to make it” he pulled messily his shoes off and stepped into the flat, pulling of his backpack and carrying it in his arms

“How many people have you already ripped off?”

“I don’t know”

“Say” he put his DS down and let it rest on his chest, looking a Hinata with a bored expression “Your parents are such normal and nice people, why did you turn out like this?”

“Like what” the ginger pulled out his notebook and let the bag drop to the floor “rich and successful?” he pushed his chest out

“No, an asshole who steals peoples identities”

Hinata stuck his tongue out “Do your roots first before you talk to me, pudding-head”

Pudding-Head clicked his tongue “Do you not have any emotions at all? Like what, if you rip off a poor family father?”

“That won’t happen! I always google my money providers, so I know what kind of job they have and stuff”

“ok”

“It’s nothing morally wrong” Hinata nodded “It’s like having a sugar daddy, who doesn’t know he has a sugar baby yet”

 “Until the credit card is overdue?”

“Yep”

Pudding-Head lifted an eyebrow, but continued to play his videogame, ignoring the bottle ginger.

“You know” Hinata started “You’re like a mob wife, Kenma”

“What” Kenma looked at Hinata again

“You look down on my ways, but you still take the coat that fell off a truck”

“What” Kenma said again

“Who bought you your new games?”

“…”

“Who bought you your shiny new laptop?”

Kenma was silent again.

“That’s what I thought” Hinata grinned widely “A mob wife! You’re my mob wife” Hinata jumped on top of Kenma and poked his cheeks

“Stop it!” Kenma struggled, clutching his DS so it won’t fall out of his hands, while he was assaulted by Hinata.

The ginger jumped off Kenma and picked up his forgotten Notebook “Well, then wife” he looked down at Kenma with a triumphant expression “I will print out a new card and will get you your PS4, just so you can look down on my ways again” and ran into his room-lab clutching his good in his arms. He liked stressed workers a lot. They gave out their information so easily, it was enough to call them. He didn’t even need to crack codes or steal something from them. For some reason they didn’t questioned anything, as soon as someone claimed they’re from the bank and someone tried to steal information. Ironically that was exactly what he did in that moment. They didn’t even realize he didn’t say the name of whatever bank they had their money stacked in.

* * *

 

“I don’t want fish for breakfast” Hikaru moaned slamming his little fists on the table.

“Well, we can’t have always what we want can’t we?”

Hikaru clicked his tongue. Kageyama clicked his tongue. The child still ate his food without further fights. He liked to complain a lot, but was fine with whatever his dad put on the table anyways. People could say whatever they wanted about him, but his cooking skills were great, the best he likes to argue

“I want pancakes for breakfast tomorrow!” Hikaru shouted with a mouth full of rice, already eaten the fish of his plate

“No, pancakes are fattening and do not give you the energy you need for the day” he pointed his chopsticks at his soon while talking.

Hikaru huffed and pressed his cheeks against the table “You’re fattening”

“Good thing you’re not eating me then” Kageyama picked up some food, in this moment his phone vibrated again on his table and with an annoyed sigh he picked it up. Another number he did not recognize “Hello?”

“Yes, hello!” a woman this time shouted happily “We wanted to ask about your item tomorrow at 3 o’ clock tomorrow afternoon!”

“What” Kageyama was dumbfounded. He knitted his eyebrows together “What appointments? Where?”

“Well, here!” the woman said

“That won’t help me”

“Here, at our hairdresser, ‘supercuts’ in Tokyo” she cheerfully laughed “Don’t you remember?”

“You must have the wrong number” Kageyama as well as his son were getting haircuts from the nice kindergarten teacher since he was going there.

“But aren’t you Kageyama Tobio?”

“Yes, I am”

“So this is your appointment!”

“No it’s not. Where did you even got my number from anyways”

The woman paused for a bit “Well, you didn’t give it to us, so we googled you”

Kageyama sighed deeply. He hated company websites “You probably got the wrong Kageyama then”

“Okay” she said “So should we cancel the appointment? Just in case. You wouldn’t want someone to steal your money with your credit card or something” she laughed cheerfully. What was it with all the credit cards these days

“Yeah, do whatever you have to do” Kageyama hung up on her “You finished you breakfast?”

“Yes!” Hikaru showed his empty bowl

“Then let’s brush your teeth and put some clothes on! We need to hurry, hurry” He ushered his child into the bathroom

* * *

 

“How many shots did you pay for?”

“I don’t know” Hinata yawned, stretching and settling back into his chair “I only know, that I punched an officer in the throat”

Kuroo and Bokuto cackled loudly as they hear it “Got some mugshots taken?”

“Yeah, but whatever” Hinata looked at the two “It’s not gonna be my problem, right?”

“Oh, you got a new identity?” Kuroo rested his head on his hand, looking at Hinata a bit unimpressed

“Yeah” he yawned again “A man’s gotta eat, you know?”

“How did you turn out like this?” Kuroo grinned a bit “Your parents are so nice and normal”

“I heard that somewhere before”

* * *

 

“I still don’t understand why I am sitting here” Kageyama had his hands cuffed and his son happily chatting outside with some officers “Like, I know I was speeding a bit, but nothing else happened”

“Well, apparently you punched an officer in the throat this night” the officer slid a folder towards Kageyama “And broke some stuff”

“This night? Where, when?”

“Well, in some nightclub in Tokyo”

“We are  _three_ hours away from Tokyo!” Kageyama couldn’t help but scream at the officer now. Why was everyone so stupid?

“Well you could have driven there”

“Of course! I drive to Tokyo and punch an officer in the throat and come back to bring my child to kindergarten” he lifted his cuffed hands to open the folder

“That would explain why you were speeding” the officer said bluntly

“I was late”

“This would also explain, why you were late”

Kageyama now saw the mugshot of his imposter. Some kid, maybe in his twenties, but looked much younger. He lifted the folder clumsily and turned it around “Is that some kind of joke? This boy looks nothing like me!” he cried desperately and shoved it as close to the face of the officer as he could

“Well…”

“Does this boy look like me?” he stressed every word

“No” the officer mumbled “Well, let’s set you lose” another police man who was in the office uncuffed the black haired man “Someone stole your identity”

“Well, no shit” he mumbled under his breath. The officer got up and walked Kageyama out

“I tell you what now happens” the officer started, Hikaru was running towards his father in this moment “We will contact the police office in Tokyo and they will try and find your imposter”

“Try to find?” Kageyama was picking up his son after he made grabby hands at him “We already know who he is! That little fuckboy with the fake red hair!”

“Language” Hikaru giggled

“Yeah, but it is a lot of paperwork” He sighed and held the door open for Kageyama

“How long will it take?”

“Six month to a year?” he shrugged his shoulders

“What! That’s way too long!” He almost dropped Hikaru, because he wanted to lift his arms in frustration. The police was useless, everyone was useless, why him? Why not some rich old man? Was his information really that easy? Was it the person that tried to steal it before? Then the protection plan was really fucking useless. Like really. Or maybe...

“You better cancel everything connected to your bank account and tell your boss, oh and” he paused “You probably will be held accountable for everything your imposter does, so let’s hope he is not a criminal but just some teen, with a fake ID”

“And my credit card” he sighed “But you already know what he looks like, can’t you just arrest him?”

“It doesn’t work like that”

Kageyama looked into the sky and thought for a while. He wondered what it was like to be dead. With a shock he snapped back to reality and looked the officer in the eyes determination. The officer stumbled back a bit, with a wary, slightly scared look in his eyes “And what if I get that kid and he confesses?”[ **  
**](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/determination.html)

The officer scratched the back of his neck “That would work” he nodded

Kageyama nodded “Okay” he stepped away “Have a good day”

"But I'm very sure he won't confess without resistance" the officer called after him, before he shook his head and went back inside the building.

Kageyama put his child into the car seat and sat behind the wheel. He looked out his window, his face set in a deep scowl, this little fucker is going to pay for what he has done. He recalled the hair dresser appointment and quickly pulled his phone out his pocked. Looking up the number that called this morning and dialed it

“Hello, ‘supercuts’ here, what can I do for you”

“Yes hello, it’s Kageyama again”

“Oh! Mister I-have-no-appointment” she giggled

“Well, yes. I wanted to ask, if the person that made an appointment, was a small ginger?”

“Uhm, yes”

“Oh” Kageyama fake laughed “It was my friend then, please don’t cancel the appointment, I forgot he has my credit card, haha” he fake laughed again

“Hm” the woman made suspicious “Friend who has a credit card” she hummed again “More like lover” she laughed delighted again “Good day, the appointment is still set then”

“Eh, what, no just a-” she hung already up on him. Kageyama sighed loudly, pushing his hair back “Hikaru” he looked to the back seat “We’ll make a little trip to Tokyo” the child punched his fists in the air "And I must call my bank"


End file.
